Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
