I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
