Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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