My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
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