let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
