Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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