He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
