Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
