Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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