normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
