i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
