yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
