I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
