Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Edward fifth and chaser hands
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
