you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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