This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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