Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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