is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
