I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
