I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
