It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
