I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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