his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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