that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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