Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
