you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
