I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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