life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
