I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
