What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
