I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I am available for nakedness
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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