I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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