You made me cry and you don't even care
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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