please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
