I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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