I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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