She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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