i permit you to call me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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