Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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