I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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