There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
