that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
