Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
