I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
