hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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