youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
