So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish you could order shots online.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
