the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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