His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
