Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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